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A suicide note from a grieving mother

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Thank you for the tributes, but be mindful of the message

It warms my heart to see Carson’s young friends rallying to remember him and raise money in Carson’s name to help others. I love them for this, but I cautioned them against glamorizing Carson’s life amid their loss.
We need to avoid the suggestion that suicide is a noble way to escape burdens. Carson was indeed a special soul who had many reasons to live, but he was much like his 20-something friends at a stage in their lives preparing for uncertain futures. They are all special and don’t need to die in order to be honored for who they are.
Eli Bakken and Jaden Knips returned Carson’s truck Monday night when we also talked about how to steer a message about suicide prevention. T-shirts with an image of Carson’s pickup also carry a mental health logo and a hemline statement with 988 suicide lifeline number.
They miss Carson and they just want to help, as do I.
But I couldn’t help my own son who lived under my own roof and had access to all the opportunities that are supposed to prevent suicide. If Carson couldn’t be saved, who can? Many people struggle alone without insurance and without the luxury of family support and resources.
I don’t know how to help, but at the very least, I’m not mincing words about what happened: Carson took his hunting firearm to our north grove and deliberately ended his life.
He did this on Tuesday only moments after a noon phone call with Gracie. He said he would start a baling job at 1 p.m., they made plans for Wednesday night dinner and told each other “I love you” and “See you later.”
He left no suicide note and no indication he was planning to leave us. His farming paperwork was on his table with his laptop and checkbook, and he’d gathered some laundry to bring upstairs. … As if he’d return moments later.
We won’t know what happened in his final hour, but we believe something in his brain overpowered what should have been a powerful human will to survive.
The brain’s complicated biology allows us to feel good when it’s functioning normally. When the delicate balance is off, we feel sick, and it can kill us.
The same is true for diabetes, heart disease or other common illnesses. Left untreated, they also kill, but getting treatment for them is far easier than seeking treatment for mental illness.
Our local health providers are working hard to treat brain health, but our health care system as a whole is sadly ill-equipped to save people who are ashamed to seek help and face obstacles of poor insurance coverage and a shortage of options.
My hope is that with each tragic loss we — policy makers especially — commit to doing better.
Carson was loved. He knew he was loved … by many people in many ways. He also knew he wasn’t feeling well and was getting treatment for his illness. We were doing the best we could with what we had.
For all these reasons I’m not tormented by “what-ifs” and “if-onlys.”
Now we just pray for peace and understanding.
— Lori Sorenson, Star Herald editor and mother of Carson Ehde

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