This will seem like an unusual article for this time of the year, and my life will never be normal again, so please bear with me. I like to use Christian music to find my way these days. I usually find a piece of scripture and tie them together to try to make sense of what I am feeling.
Since Dec. 21, 2021, nothing makes sense. That is the day that my son died. It was senseless to me, and yet I must believe that God brought him home to stop his battle with the devil, a battle that Nick could never win on his own.
December will never be the same for me.
“Christmas Spirit” by Kristen Brown
I've been dreaming you were here
This Christmas time of year is getting colder
And the nights keep moving slower
Then I hear your laughter in my heart
To spend this time apart it goes unspoken
Like a fixless kind of broken
But the carolers are singing
And the silver bells are ringing.
The battle is hard. To keep myself from falling apart, I must let Jesus carry me.
Roman 8:26-27 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”
This is the part that is hard. I don’t have the words; my heart is too hurt. My mind is going blank. God is carrying me completely.
From Kristen’s song:
I know you’d never want to miss this
And that you’d be home for Christmas with me too
So I'll bring it to you.
I'll let the mistletoe hang down
And put the lights out on the house
So you can see them shine from where you are
I'll put the angel on the tree
And know you’re watching over me
I'll turn the music up so loud that you can hear it
Cause you’re my Christmas spirit
You’re my Christmas Spirit
These days I spend hours thinking about you, about what I am missing. I constantly look at your pictures. I don’t want to miss a single thing, and my memories are all that is left.
Again, from Kristen Brown:
And although the bells ring heavy
On a not so silent night
I hear angels sing and I know you’re by my side
I know that I am not alone. Everyone has someone they miss, someone who made them whole. Every one of us needs to remember that God is here with us. That is what Christmas is, “God with us,” and that promise gets me through. That and the music and the scripture!
John 1:1-5 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”
Jesus is that Light! The beginning of life. The light that shines in my darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it!
Again, “Christmas Spirit”:
And know you’re watching over me
I’ll turn the music up so loud that you can hear it
Cause you’re my Christmas spirit
You’re my Christmas Spirit
I've been dreaming you were here
Wish you were here.
I invite you to reach out to those that you know are missing someone close to them. The years don’t ever completely take away the loss. But the love of God will! The joy of new faces, the love of family and friends, and the peace of knowing God’s got this! “What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.”
May you be filled with the presence of the Savior!
Songwriters: Kristen Brown “Christmas Spirit lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid