Grieving families part with loved ones amid coronavirus distancing

The coronavirus pandemic and its social distancing measures have made the grief process more painful for those who have lost loved ones, according to local funeral home directors.
“It’s preventing friends and family from grieving properly because of the lack of fellowship and support from the community,” said Dan Dingmann.
“It limits the effectiveness of the positive social benefit of a public visitation and funeral service.”
In the past few weeks funeral homes have conducted private or smaller public visitations and committal services, but more stringent social distancing mandates on Friday have meant even fewer people can be together at one time.
Jeff Hartquist, Luverne, said the coronavirus constraints have been difficult for his operation and the families he works with.
“This has been extremely challenging — logistically and more so emotionally,” he said.
 “The families are doing well so far, but reminding them to maintain their social distance goes against our nature of expressing emotions through hugs, tears and touch.”
New guidelines mandate no more than 10 in a gathering and fewer if any are at high risk of contracting the disease. That is what they’re trying to follow.
“We all have different filters when dealing with death and what helps us to move forward in our grief journey,” Hartquist said. “We feel that at this point, allowing people an opportunity to be with families and community is important, so long as CDC guidelines are followed.”
He said it’s particularly hard to accommodate large families who want to view the body for final good-byes in shifts, rather than in the embrace of their entire group.
“For many in their grief, seeing is believing, so we are hoping that this, though very limited, provides them with that opportunity,” Hartquist said.
Dingmann said generally the community understands reasons for precautions.
“Families are adjusting to the new protocols because of the virus and are respecting our policies,” he said.
Staff at the funeral homes are careful to wipe down doors and furniture after human contact and a staff person records guests at the register so a pen isn’t passed from one hand to another.
“I do also hope that the public can be thoughtful of our staff and their families as they’re put at risk of exposure to the virus,” Hartquist said.
While the pandemic has made difficult times more difficult for families he works with, he said most people have understood the precautions.
“I’m sure that they wish they could share their grief with the community, as in our area very much community is extended family,” Hartquist said.
“For many families under these circumstances, they also understand the importance to follow the CDC guidelines so that we can also be a good citizen to our neighbors, community and country and stop the spread of this dangerous virus.”
He said he’s doing what he can to maintain important rituals and ceremonies with limited in-person gatherings and with technology to connect everyone else.
Some families are choosing an initial ceremony with the potential of a larger ceremony after the pandemic threat has passed.
Hartquist said the coronavirus has presented the biggest challenge in his 19 years of funeral service, particularly in his concern for the grieving.
“I have worried deeply for the families that have had a loved one die. I have worried that not only has their loved one been taken from their lives, but so too have the proven rituals that we have come to rely on for us to move forward in our grief journey,” he said.
“By removing visitation and religious ceremonies, I worry that the community lost a platform to be supportive to grieving families, to share in a hug or a meaningful story and to express to the family how important their loved one was to the makeup of our community.”
On the other hand, necessary social distancing has created opportunities for more meaningful conversations with clergy and more intimate private goodbyes that a public venue may not have allowed.
“I had a family be able to experience every little step of the funeral for what it was and at their own pace because we didn’t have to follow a set schedule. I think that it is important to know that ceremony under these circumstances can still give us the healthy experience we need.” 
Both funeral homes are leaning more on technology by recording funerals for families and livestreaming services that are available online.
In addition to a webcasting service, Hartquist Funeral home has an online “collaboration center” for arrangement planning and aftercare through its free Domaniforgrief.com.
“As a funeral home, this pandemic has tested us, but I would like to think we are better today than we were yesterday,” Hartquist said.
“Our staff has done a wonderful job of coming together and communicating, and we will continue to push ourselves to serve our community in any way possible during this time.”
Dingmann echoed this sentiment.
“We would just like people to know that we will always do anything we can do to guide people through the grieving process whatever challenges may arise.”