Costco Wholesale Corporation, the world’s largest warehouse club operator, has introduced the ultimate lay-away plan — discounted caskets. Bargain-hunting customers in two of its Chicago stores can now choose to buy now and be buried later. The six models of steel caskets are reportedly priced at $799.99 and the color choices include lilac and Neapolitan blue. Floor models of the caskets are displayed next to mattresses in the two stores, although critics might argue that the gardening section is more appropriate. Casket deliveries can be expected within 48 hours, coincidentally the same time it takes to have a check cleared at a bank. Costco apparently doesn’t want to be stiffed along with the dearly departed. The greatest advantage to buying a floor model casket, reduced for clearance, would be to facilitate packing smaller items at the end of the checkout lane. Cardboard boxes always seem to be in short supply in discount warehouse stores, where you must pack up your own purchases and cart them out to your vehicle. You will simply be able to load the 50-pound bags of dog food, huge sacks of frozen chicken and other bulky, economy-sized food items into the casket. You will no longer have to worry about dropping loose purchases onto the store’s parking lot or somewhere between the car and your house. A primary disadvantage would be the 24-hour advance notice for purchases. To avoid this problem, caskets could be delivered to your home possibly years ahead of time and be used as coffee tables or spare beds for overnight guests. Last minute purchases might become unnecessarily complicated. "It looks like Aunt Josie is taking a turn for the worse. Someone should jump into the car and run over to Costco before it closes. Oh! And don’t forget to pick up the things on the grocery list while you’re there." Although many people might say they can’t tell the difference between the Costco caskets and the full-retail ones which often cost $1,500-$3,500, discerning funeral attendees might be able to. For example, a large, black-and-white Universal Price Code sticker, necessary for checkouts and impossible to remove, might be permanently attached to one end of a discounted casket. In other cases, a bright orange clearance sale sticker, stuck to the viewers’ side of the casket, might vie for attention with the UPC. As you glance into the open casket for a final farewell, you can’t help but notice some crumbles of dry dog food and a 48-ounce bottle of catsup, which have slipped unnoticed between the folds of satin lining. Several scratch marks and gouges are quite obvious on the casket, the result of being transported from store to home in the back of neighbor’s pickup or on top of the family’s car. ("This is a lot harder than loading a Christmas tree," pants a family friend.) If $799.99 caskets are possible now, it’s only a matter of time before another discounter will offer models at $99.99. When that happens, funeral-goers might notice caskets held together with shiny, half-inch metal staples. Upon closer examination, what appeared from a distance to be an expensive teakwood model with solid brass handles is actually cut from 4-by-8 sheets of wall paneling. It has flimsy plastic handles as well as bungee cords for security purposes. A sure sign that a discounted casket has been used is when the funeral has been postponed for one of three reasons — the bank couldn’t clear the check, the casket was back-ordered, or the neighbor’s pickup wasn’t available.