© 2004 Carole R. Achterhof People can still pray in Mexican churches, but they shouldn’t expect to receive any answers on their cell phones. Four churches south of the border have gone high-tech, and their 11th commandment might well be, "Thou shalt not use a cell phone." According to Reuters, the churches are using equipment developed by Israeli electronic warfare experts to silence the many cell phones, that often rang during mass. "Switched on just before the start of every service, the system causes a ‘no signal’ message to be displayed on worshipers’ phones, but causes them no lasting damage," noted the news story. We can only assume that means no damage to the phones, not the parishioners, who might suffer from cell phone separation anxiety. Although many other churches in Mexico and other parts of the world are showing an interest in the new technology, the system might be too expensive for many of them. Not unlike a virtuous woman, its price may be far above rubies. In that case, the following solutions might work for church members who are tired of hearing, "What do you need from the store?" or "Not much, what are you doing?" when they should be doing things like praying for forgiveness or for lost souls on other continents. To begin with, it’s not a coincidence that confessionals in Catholic churches often resemble fancy phone booths. After answering the calls on their cell phones, which courteously have been set on Vibrate, parishioners could excuse themselves and continue their wireless conversations with hushed voices inside the confessionals. Unfortunately, Methodists, Presbyterians and Lutherans don’t have the luxury of confessional booths, so their cell phone calls would have to be continued in nearby cleaning supply closets, rest rooms or outdoors. Churches without high tech phone silencing systems could impose penalties on people who don’t turn off their cell phones, or at least set them on Vibrate, when church services begin. Actually, some worshipers might not be able to reconcile the apparent pleasures brought about by a vibrating phone with a pure lifestyle, but that’s their problem. Possible penalties for cell phone misuse might be directly related to several dreaded church responsibilities. For example, a cell phone abuser might be sentenced to baking sheet cakes for a certain number of funeral services or shoveling the church sidewalks during a winter’s worth of snow storms. They could be condemned to single-handedly cleaning up the church kitchen and fellowship area after perhaps a dozen wedding receptions or folding Sunday service church bulletins for a decade. They might be assigned to trim candlewicks or polish church pews. Serious violators could be placed in charge of the annual church bazaar, a responsibility which will ironically require them to make non-stop phone calls for most of the year. Of course, churches have the freedom to impose one penalty for cell phone misuse that’s not available in other venues, such as sports stadiums, schools or concert halls. In those places, ushers or security guards can only oust disruptive cell phone users from the premises. Although it might be viewed as being too drastic, there’s always the possibility that cell phone abusers in certain churches could be condemned to an eternal afterlife of fire and brimstone. For anyone ever victimized by loud cell phone talkers, that might seem fair.