We can run, but apparently we can’t hide from government rules and guidelines. Shortly after entrepreneur Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group, announced plans to make space travel "as ordinary as a Caribbean cruise," the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) came up with passenger guidelines. The newly drafted suggestions cover pre-flight physical exams, risk waivers and safety training. In other words, what originally sounded like an adventure now resembles another day at work. It’s only a thought and it might cost less, but the FAA could more easily revise passenger guidelines already in place for domestic flights: Pack essential items, such as prescription drugs and dental floss, in your carry-on bag. There is always the possibility that checked-through baggage may be misdirected to another planet, if not another galaxy, and you will never see it again. You will undoubtedly experience weightlessness during this trip. However, there is no need to change the somewhat embarrassing weight listed on your driver’s license to "zero." Unlike your actual weight, the weightlessness of outer space is short-lived. Pack for extreme weather changes. Sunscreen lotions might be needed if the aircraft veers too closely to the sun. Insulated underwear would be advisable for side trips around the dark side of the moon. Passenger use of cell phones and other transmitting devices is strictly forbidden after lift-off. In addition to compromising the space ship’s communications system, possibly sending the craft into an unpleasant "graveyard spin," the roaming charges on your next phone bill might easily send you into cardiac arrest. It is highly recommended that you bring along at least 114 brown-bag meals from home for the duration of the trip. Your only other alternative will be to purchase the same number of in-flight meals from the flight attendants. The menu choices for your flight include plastic bags of nutritious, space ready meals in the following colors — mud gray, brown and tan. Smoking is not allowed in either the main cabin or the lavatories. Because of the length of this trip, roughly 38 days, heavy smokers might want to reconsider their flight plans. If you are caught lighting up, your pilot may be forced to make an unscheduled stop and drop you off on some uncharted star. Your total luggage weight limit is 10 pounds. Let’s face it, you won’t be seeing anyone at some final tropical destination, so there won’t be a need to dress to impress. This is truly a round trip. You get on, you travel in a big circle, you get off and that’s it. As far as unexpected medical emergencies are concerned, don’t go whining to the flight crew about heart palpitations or other discomforts. Our flight attendants are busy enough with handing out unidentifiable food bags, keeping a lookout for destructive asteroids, switching us over to reserve tanks of fuel whenever needed and fluffing pillows. Deal with it. Exercise calm and restraint for the duration of the trip. It does no good to shout, "Oh, no! We’re falling apart!" or "The entire ship is on fire!" when we’re 350,000 miles from Earth and the nearest rescue squad. Such outbursts, while they may be true, only serve to demoralize the flight crew and your fellow passengers. Don’t spread dread. Finally, be on a constant vigil for extraterrestrial terrorists. You can never be too careful.