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Puppy test reveals old lady's level of crotchety-ness

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The Northview
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By
Brenda Winter, columnist

I’ve become a crotchety old lady.
I used to delight in the silly ways of happy creatures such as puppies.
Now they annoy me.
My sister recently added a furry bundle of joy to her life named Snoop.
I call him Snoop-id.
My relationship with Snoop-id went south the day he ate my sandal. Not just any sandal – my $80 orthopedic sandal. The sandal I need to support my falling arches, plantar fasciitis and lymphedema. (Good news. He only ate one.)
Our relationship continued to sour when Snoop-id ate a portion of a cleaning rag I had misplaced. Visions of hundreds of dollars in vet bills danced through my head as I chased Snoop-id through the kitchen, remnants of a cleaning rag dangling from his mouth.
Snoop-id is a Spaniel.
Spaniels like water. Snoop-id likes the water feature in my sister’s back yard. He especially likes the part where he jumps out of the water feature and shakes himself vigorously on visitors – crotchety visitors – like me.
Being a puppy, Snoop-id likes to play. Playing, of course, includes racing around like a fur missile looking for targets to destroy.
Targets like my knees.
Every time “the missile” rockets past, I bend my knees slightly and ponder the amount of physical therapy I would require to recover from knee cap replacement surgery.
I like clean windows.
Snoop-id creates dog-nose art on windows, especially just-cleaned windows.
We picked berries. Snoop-id spilled the berry bucket.
We went for a car ride. Snoop-id barked furiously against the closed windows, creating an echo chamber of pain for the car’s occupants.
Even though he is fearless when inside the car, outside the car Snoop-id is afraid of many things – such as tree stumps.
As I clench my teeth against this endless puppy aggravation, my sister throws her head back and laughs at the delightful antics of her furry little buddy.
“He’s an idiot,” I say.
“He’s the best!” she says.
And that’s how you can tell if an old lady is becoming crotchety or not.

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