We’re nearing the end of a weeklong visit to Indiana to see our granddaughter Peppercorn and her kid sister Soggy Bottoms.
Peppercorn is a thinker and has been a student of life for 3 1/2 years now. Little escapes her. She speaks truth. For example, “It’s mean to cook unicorns.” Well, yes, Sweetheart, it is. That’s why we cook cows and pigs and we decorate our bedrooms with unicorns.
“It’s hard to cut rice.” Agreed, now clean up your plate.
“If people don’t share, you can just grab it.” That’s right, you can. But just go ahead and see if you get re-elected.
“Ballerinas don’t wear socks.” No, they don’t. But girls going outside to play do wear socks, so let’s keep looking.
“A drink of water helps when you bump your head.” This is perhaps not medically proven, but it was sweet of you to bring Baby Sister a drink of water when she bumped her head — even though the circumstances of her head-bumping remain suspicious.
“It’s hard to eat by an octopus.” Absolutely. I’m glad there are so few octopuses among us and that they are banned from restaurants.
“When you can reach, you can get your own tomatoes.” That’s right, Kiddo, don’t stop dreaming. Meanwhile, we’d be happy to reach the tomatoes for you.
Included in Peppercorn’s observations about life and other stuff is a fair amount of bad theology.
“God helped the man walk on water, but I have floaties.” Yes, you do have floaties, but sooner or later your floaties will let you sink. Always trust God more than you trust your floaties.
“It makes God sad to wiggle when they brush your hair.” Lots of things make God sad, Peppercorn, but wiggling when they brush your hair isn’t one of them. You just go ahead and wiggle.
And keep on saying all these ridiculously funny things. It gives Grandma something to write home about.