I've become a hypochondriac.
In the past month, I’ve had a headache and wondered, “Do I have Covid-19?” And then, “I wonder if I’ll need a ventilator?” And then, “Who will attend my funeral if the guests are limited to members of only one household?”
I’ve had a scratchy throat and wondered, “Is this the end? Of course, I have allergies, I swept a dusty garage floor yesterday, and the air is dry, but this scratchy throat feels somehow … different."
I was standing in the grocery store checkout line when someone behind me sneezed. My brain screamed, “Why?! Why?! Why did I come here?!”
Staring at the bag to which I desperately clung, I faced the reality that going to the store for Cool Ranch Doritos may be the thing that does me in.
Looking for my glasses (again) I simply cannot escape the fact that brain fog is another Corona virus symptom. “Maybe this is the only symptom I have?” I wondered as I asked, “Now, what was it I was looking for?”
I’ve begun recording my daily temperature. One day the number shot up from 97.9 to 98.3. “Is my living will up to date? Will my children honor my last wishes? Have I burned all my journals from the ’80s?”
Many people have no symptoms at all. Could I be a symptomless person, roaming about town unknowingly leaving a trail of illness and destruction in my wake?
Fatigue is another symptom of Covid 19. Why, just yesterday after carrying softener salt to the basement I felt fatigued.
And now, I have a bit of a cough so I’m jotting down a few ideas for funeral songs and one of my favorite scriptures, Proverbs 17:22, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
I want people to remember me the way I was before the virus took me.